Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
