just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
