You smell like stripper and shame
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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