That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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