Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
