Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She bit a glass in half.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
