I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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