No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
