hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
there is glitter all over my balls
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