I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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