Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
