She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
