I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
