I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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