I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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