My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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