does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
