no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
