She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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