Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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