and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
