I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
