I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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