Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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