We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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