First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
