so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
