Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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