It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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