thus making me awesome and them whores
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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