My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My breasts were aching with rage.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
