if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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