i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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