And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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