I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
