My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
