yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
