So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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