He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
