I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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