He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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