She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
