Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
