There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
