Texts From Last Night

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  (661): View more from California

  So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"

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  (661): So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick" http://tfl.nu/zy8y
  Replies (7) Good night (1337) Bad night (469)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"

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  (917): ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?" http://tfl.nu/yq0r
  Replies (1) Good night (2700) Bad night (548)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"

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  (440): I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!" http://tfl.nu/07u8
  Replies (21) Good night (6613) Bad night (819)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Becoming a productive member of society?

  (509): View more from Washington

  Sam. Come on.

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  (509): Guess what I'm doing tomorrow? (860): Becoming a productive member of society? (509): Sam. Come on. http://tfl.nu/hrkz
  Replies (38) Good night (6657) Bad night (773)
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  (951): View more from California

  I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it

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  (951): I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it http://tfl.nu/eb7i
  Replies (5) Good night (986) Bad night (3253)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.

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  (651): i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors. http://tfl.nu/w7i6
  Replies (10) Good night (3452) Bad night (725)
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  (310): View more from California

  A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.

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  (310): A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf. http://tfl.nu/8l3i
  Replies (2) Good night (1330) Bad night (775)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.

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  (214): There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me. http://tfl.nu/ecsp
  Replies (13) Good night (2809) Bad night (708)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her

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  (201): i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her http://tfl.nu/006u
  Replies (5) Good night (1222) Bad night (611)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick

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  (215): he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick http://tfl.nu/z2ix
  Replies (13) Good night (659) Bad night (1604)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.

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  (862): Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving. http://tfl.nu/a5h0
  Replies (8) Good night (587) Bad night (1232)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate

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  (509): I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate http://tfl.nu/14fu
  Replies (6) Good night (2130) Bad night (550)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome

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  (815): I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome http://tfl.nu/5x53
  Replies (1) Good night (459) Bad night (205)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!

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  (219): I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings! http://tfl.nu/cwhp
  Replies (2) Good night (700) Bad night (183)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.

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  (407): We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore. http://tfl.nu/jkjf
  Replies (2) Good night (462) Bad night (359)

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