i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
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my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
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My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.