I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.