I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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