she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
