If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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