so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
