By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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