I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
