Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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