Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
