She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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