I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
