Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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