Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
