Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Randomize
