My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
