I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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