Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
