i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
