Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
