I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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