I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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