can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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