i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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