if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Nicole vs. Life
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
